Its 5 months until my surgery, I set these wheels in motion 7 months ago and those months have just flown by.
I have found myself getting a bit restless in the last week. I have become OBSESSED with everything to do with mastectomy...I devour blogs, trawl youtube for video diaries and make a million lists of what I might need when the day finally comes. I hope this is just a phase because its exhausting!
Overall I feel quite calm about the surgery, my main fear is the lack of control that anaesthetic and strong pain medication afford. I like to be very much in control at all times; I rarely get drunk, I could never contemplate drugs and when I was poorly recently I struggled even to allow my boyfriend to make me dinner two nights on the trot!
I'm worried that I will wake up and not know my boyfriends name, or say something out of character, or god forbid show strangers my new boobs!
I also resent the fact that someone will have to help me shower, cook me tea and generally run round after me while I lord it up in bed!
That someone will be my wonderful mum and boyfriend. I know they are happy to look after me those first couple of weeks, I don't think I could stop them, but I will still find it difficult to relinquish control.
I see the surgeon again tomorrow and thanks to my recent list making I have a million questions for him. He is measuring me for implants and hopefully I will also get a firm date for my surgery. Until then I will continue with my obsessive research mission!
I have found myself getting a bit restless in the last week. I have become OBSESSED with everything to do with mastectomy...I devour blogs, trawl youtube for video diaries and make a million lists of what I might need when the day finally comes. I hope this is just a phase because its exhausting!
Overall I feel quite calm about the surgery, my main fear is the lack of control that anaesthetic and strong pain medication afford. I like to be very much in control at all times; I rarely get drunk, I could never contemplate drugs and when I was poorly recently I struggled even to allow my boyfriend to make me dinner two nights on the trot!
I'm worried that I will wake up and not know my boyfriends name, or say something out of character, or god forbid show strangers my new boobs!
I also resent the fact that someone will have to help me shower, cook me tea and generally run round after me while I lord it up in bed!
That someone will be my wonderful mum and boyfriend. I know they are happy to look after me those first couple of weeks, I don't think I could stop them, but I will still find it difficult to relinquish control.
I see the surgeon again tomorrow and thanks to my recent list making I have a million questions for him. He is measuring me for implants and hopefully I will also get a firm date for my surgery. Until then I will continue with my obsessive research mission!
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